ELLE OH VEE EE

with a boyyy. too bad he’s far away. i just don’t think i could ever do that. wish i could. though idk if he wants anything like that either…

right now, it’s just nice to talk and be honest. it’s like having another friend.

why is it that my closest friends are always far away?

i miss ash…

<3

if you don’t want me there, don’t invite me.

if you don’t want to come, just say that.

if you’re mad at me, tell me why.

if you’re happy with me, tell me that too.

if you don’t want to be friends with me, just be straight up.

just stop making up excuses and being fake.

i’d rather you just be honest, even if it hurts.

it hurts less than when you lie.

i feel like i don’t know what that word means anymore

i mean, i have friends. or, at least, friendly acquaintances that i would see and hang out with from time to time. and good family friends that i’ve known for a long time like sam, sean, sami, carolee, richard, etc. but they’re more like family, like we’ll always be together no matter what. but i feel like the last time i had a “best friend” was in middle school. ariel and maegen were definitely my best friends. then maegen moved, but i still saw her all the time, then i got sent to a different high school than ariel went to so we didn’t talk as much. and all through high school, i tried to find my niche, but my group of friends was always way better friends with each other than with me. i was just sort of there. part of the group, but not really a member on my own. then i had my group of friends end of sophomore year and all of junior year, then they went off to college. and they were so fickle. i had a few supposed best friends throughout those two-ish years but it wasn’t real. idk, my best friends always had a better best friend. and idk, maybe elise does too, but honestly i feel like i might actually have one again. someone who genuinely cares about me and wants to hang out with me. for the first time it’s not constantly me calling trying to remind my friends that i exist so that i don’t have to be alone again that night. and for the first time since i’ve been old enough to plan my own birthdays, i have someone who actually wants to plan it with me and not just attend because that’s the nice thing to do as my friendly acquaintance. idk, it feels really nice. like friendship is finally mutual for me. though, i know i have leila, and i love her to death, but it sucks because she lives so far away and i can’t see her all the time:( same with laur, though she’s closer.

the only thing that sucks is that i know that she’s gonna move a couple hours away at the end of the school year, which sucks. i might be at square one again, or maybe i’ll get my transfer apps done and finally transfer to a good college a decent distance away and be able to make some friends. that would be nice. but i’m glad i have elise right now.

so, i think i will just do a reblog spam today. and i think it will be sophia bush.

SLASH sophia bush and hilarie burton or bethany joy galeotti.

or all three.

gorgeous ladies shall be the theme tonight.

and good friends.(: